Don’t let the door hit you on the way out (for a second time).

Today, the latter is wishing it hadn’t. To whit, Tiger Woods 11 saw a 68% drop in sales compared to last year’s game, even though the two reviewed identically. Sales of the Wii version alone declined 86%, which one financial analyst called “particularly catastrophic,” in a note to investors.

“We are concerned that Woods’ scandal woes may have permanently damaged the sales potential of what we believe to be EA’s third most important sports franchise,” the investment banker concluded, “behind Madden and FIFA.”

I take no pleasure in seeing a family publicly torn apart by one member’s selfish actions. But as a businessman, Electronic Arts and Nike should have known better. When your celebrity spokesman falls this hard, you’re foolish for still sending your marketing budget his way. After all, where you paying him for friendship, or increased sales?

If the latter, you should have made a business decision, not a personal one. And if you wanted to help “pick a friend up,” the last thing this one needed was more money, so said support should have happened behind the scenes.

I’ll take one, please. (Photo by Tim Ormond, taken deep within the bowels of Salt Lake County.)

Last month, Apple became the second largest company in America, according to Fast Company. That said, Apple is now bigger than Google, Microsoft, Walmart, General Electric, or any other enterprise not named ExxonMobil.

Wow.

As Fast Company’s Farhad Manjoo so perceptively analyzes, it’s all because Apple knows what you want even more than you do. They don’t solicit outside feedback. They orchestrate announcements (not to mention internal controls) in a way that would make Kim Jong-il proud.

Furthermore, they say “no” more than “yes” when deciding on product features. They’re insular in their strategy. And they certainly don’t subscribe to the trendy ethos that openness, transparency, or even user-generated creativity is the future of business.

In other words, they’re leaders. Even if you don’t agree with their heading.

Speaking personally, I don’t believe in everything Apple makes. And I’m not blinded from their previous failures (i.e. no right clicks, removal of arrow keys, spinning beach balls, 1997, hyperbole, questionable pricing, personal digital assistants, and gaming consoles to name a few.)

But I admire their willingness to write the future as they see it, rather than adding to how everyone else views it. It’s what makes their industrial design so phenomenal. It’s what makes their operating systems so wonderful.

It’s what makes them Apple.

As a self-employed individual, I’ve closed a lot of deals. Seven years worth, in fact. Enough to make me a thousandaire. But I’ve lost a lot more than I’ve won, something that’s expected in business.

What isn’t expected, however, are the rare occasions when a prospective buyer ridicules me for not meeting his terms. It usually happens like this: Buyer probes, likes what he sees, and then starts asking questions. We talk. I name my final price. He doesn’t like my final price.

But instead of walking away, like most sane buyers do, this buyer hangs around, and suddenly decides he no longer likes the free market.

Specifically, he starts heckling me. Mocking me. Making sarcastic remarks like, “Good luck with that.” Or worse, how to run my business—as if he’s the only one who knows how to run a solvent company for seven years. (Amazingly, this person even thinks insults will help them get their way in life.)

Whenever someone does this, it confirms several truths. He really likes my product. He knows it’s better than the alternatives he’s already explored. And more importantly, he’s not someone I want to work with.

In the handful of times this has happened to me, I’ve found the best way to diffuse the situation is to thank the individual for considering your services, and wish him genuine success in finding a better fit. Then decline all subsequent correspondence. For good.

Obviously, it’s important to remember these truths when the tables are turned—when you are the prospective buyer. In short, if you really like something but it’s outside your budget, by all means, politely ask if the price is negotiable. If so, try and work a deal. If not, confidently move on and keep looking.

I promise you’ll find something that suits your needs.

If you watch TV, chances are you’ve seen numerous investment commercials for Prudential, ING, Pacific Life, Merill Lynch, Charles Swab and countless others. What you might not have seen is the fine print during all this commercials: “Investment products may lose value” and “Investments involve risk.”

This of course is neatly tucked away at the bottom of the screen while some voice over promises an increase in wealth, a secure future, and guaranteed retirement. It’s yet another reminder that what these people are really selling is speculation.

In other words, know your stuff before playing the game, or stick to what you know if you want to protect and grow your principle.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve never felt overwhelmed by Google results. It’s not information overload if I find what I’m looking forward on the first results page, second at most. It’s almost as if Microsoft is confusing relevance with lack of choice.

I’m all for keeping Google on their toes through competition, but build a better mousetrap if you want to compete.

With a new decade upon us, the lemonade salesman in me is thinking about adding brownies to the menu. That is, I’m ready for my next big move, having already established myself as a new media tycoon.

So help me out, folks. Help me brainstorm and identify the next big thing. You know, a “Google killer.” I’m looking for a real win-win, here. Some ideas to get the juices flowing:

• Become a snake oil salesman. These guys seem to do real well for themselves, and I’m pretty sure they sleep well at night. Plus, they’ve been around forever!
• Sell snakes online at a discount. Niche. That’s all I’m going to say.
• Write a book called “The Secret” filled with stuff people already know, but never seem to do. This has “sizzle” written all over it.
• Source something—anything—from China. Some guy on a forum once told me “if your source it, they will come.” Totally believe him.
• Buy and sell real estate. This stuff never decreases in value. Actually, I think it’s against the law to devalue, so you know it’s a sure thing.
• “Invest” all my savings in the stock market. Seriously, it’s not like investment bankers are spending customer money irresponsibly, or speculating instead of investing. In fact, I haven’t heard of anyone losing money in the stock market, because it “always goes back up.” Always. Except when it doesn’t.
• Become an importer, exporter. Since the U.S. has such a large trade deficit, I would probably focus more on importing.
• Build an online community. Apparently sites like Facebook are pretty big now. I could always start one of those. I mean honestly, how hard is it to build a website?
  
• Start a multi-level marketing company that sells multi-level marketing companies. It sounds backwards, but I promise you it’s not.
• Sell something that makes people think they’re passively saving the planet even though they’re not. In other words, “Go green to make some green.” (NOTE: I trademarked this phrase. If you use it in any shape or form, my lawyers will come after you.)
• Become and ambulance chaser. Nevermind. I’m already doing this with little traction thus far.
• Buy super juice in bulk at high prices and sell it at an even higher price. Buying low and selling high is sooooo old fashioned. So is business to business (B2B) and business to consumer (B2C) sales. C2C is where it’s at, apparently.
• Get big on Twitter. That should be easy.
• Forget “killing” anything and just stick to what I enjoy.

Decisions, decisions.

“Soccer is often mocked for its low scores, but precisely because goals are so scarce, the release of joy is greater than in other sports.” Soccernomics, page 295.

Of all the reasons to watch soccer, this is probably the most compelling. Admittedly, a tough football game, grinding tennis match, or nine nail-biting innings of baseball is more engaging than 90 minutes of soccer.

But provided there are goals, I can’t think of a sport that crescendos better than soccer. (Fascinating book, by the way—like a mix between Moneyball and Freakonomics).

As if Major Leauge Soccer didn’t have enough credibility challenges, the two opposing teams playing in this weekend’s championship will be outfitted by two suspect companies—as they have been all year.

In one corner, you have the LA Galaxy sponsored by Herbalife, a multi-level marketing company out of Los Angeles that sells magic herbs. In the other corner, you have Real Salt Lake sponsored by XanGo, a multi-level marketing company out of Utah that sells super juice. (Match preview here.)

Both companies have on-going reputation issues with consumers and authorities alike, including pyramid scheme accusations, FDA warnings, Mayo Clinic debunkings, and class-action and Attorney General lawsuits for making widely inflated claims about the efficacy of their products (i.e. cure-all alternative medicines).

The incidental news comes as the improved Major League Soccer, now in its sixteenth year of operation, tries to position itself as a respected professional soccer league, despite its inability to attract top talent with money and fame like more popular European leagues.