seinfeld

Thursday, June 26, 2008

My two and ½ year old is a “Close Stander”

The Close Stander
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve knocked my two and ½ year old down while turning around.

You see, Sadie is a “Close Stander.” She often stands behind me, Gillette razor close, to see what I’m doing without ever touching me. As a result, I rarely sense her presence. She means no harm — just excited to be alive — but the act often causes her temporary pain, and consequently, a brief session of crying. So I do my best to avoid it.

While preparing to put her down for a nap this afternoon, I spun around to find her directly beneath me. With gymnast-like dexterity, I managed to avoid disaster by quickly contorting my body, but at the expense of tweaking me neck. (I did clip her foot, which left her slightly upset, but tearless.)

In any case, “Close Standing” is a comical, sometimes painful, and slightly frustrating side effect of being the parent of an enthusiastic but smallish human being. Can I get a witness?

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

30 funniest Jerry Seinfeld quotes

Seinfeld is the greatest sitcom ever and one of the best comedians of our time, if not the best. With that, 2 Spare has compiled what they dub the 30 funniest Seinfeld quotes. Here are a few of my favs from their list:

  • You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
  • Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
  • People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
  • I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”
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