25 status updates you should never make on Facebook
If you’re a Facebook user, you know how fun status updates can be. The good ones give you specific insight into what your friends are doing, how they are feeling, and what they really think. The bad ones are vague, cryptic, menial (you just checked into some hotel — no one cares), and wouldn’t know wit if it punched them in the baby maker.
These, on the other hand, are much worse — 25 status updates you should never make on Facebook.
- … is taking a dump/urinating/throwing up
- … has contracted a venereal disease
- … suffers from a potentially fatal case of herpes
- … is breastfeeding
- … got poop on hands while changing diapers
- … is having second thoughts about getting married yesterday
- … just got in a massive fight with my spouse
- … is getting a divorce
- … doesn’t have any real Friends on Facebook
- … just robbed a bank [or any other illegal activity]
- … hates his/her boss [who happens to be a friend on Facebook]
- … joined the Klu Klux Klan (see also: Buck Burnette)
- … thinks punching people in the face is a good way to vent
- … cannot be trusted
- … is shallow
- … is lousy in bed
- … deeply regrets driving drunk
- … is manscaping
- … is picking his/her nose
- … admits to hearing voices
- … thinks W. wasn’t so bad
- … just passed a kidney stone
- … is standing right behind you
- … is hiding under your bed
- … has concluded that life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering, and is throwing in the towel
What am I missing?
December 10th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Anything containing the word “flaccid”?
December 10th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Our friend had one that said “Taking the kid and leaving town”.
We didn’t know if that meant “Leaving my husband” or “Going on a short vacation with my daughter”. It turned out to be the latter.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Is sitting here naked… Weird!
Doesn’t know what that rash is down there
Is pregnant… But ironically the husband has been in Iraq for the last year… Never good!
December 10th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I tried a couple of those, and didn’t get very good feedback.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Is devastated. Or depressed. Or some other kind of negative emotion with no explanation. What they really make me think is “Is melodramatic.”
December 10th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
…..just met Chris Hansen from To Catch a Preditor.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
… is melodramatic (love it sara)
And Tim, that’s rich! :)
December 10th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
….hasn’t had sex for a week because his wife is out of town.
January 10th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Chatelain,
I guess “hasn’t had sex for a week because his wife is out of town” would be better than “been having sex all week even though his wife is out of town…”